In all honesty right now,

I think I’m having another break down. And to think I has having such a good day.

All I’m thinking about right now is Jean. Jean JEan JEAn JEAN JEANJEAN. I miss my baby. I really do. I miss him kissing my lips in slow motion like the movies, even teasing me a bit. I miss how he would play with my fingers in the car when he wasn’t shifting gears, because he knows how I just want to hold his hand while he’s driving. I miss how he would say certain things in certain ways to make me laugh. I miss having licking fights with him, not necessarily having his saliva all over my face. I miss how we would cuddle in bed and just watch movies all night, with him buying chips and cheese dip, because it’s my favorite to snack on. I miss how he would be super quiet in the morning so he wouldn’t wake me, because he knows how hard it is for me to fall asleep at night. I miss him forcing himself to stay up, just because I couldn’t sleep at night. I miss waking up and having him already looking at me and smiling. I miss taking showers with him, because they were actually so innocent. I miss trying to take baths, even though the size of the tub failed for us. I miss that he’d wash/put lotion my back because I couldn’t reach. I miss him looking and smiling at me when I got ready. I miss getting all dolled up, because I want to look cute for him. I miss going out to eat with him, because we never really got many alone dates over here. I miss him helping me into bed, because it was too tall for me to get up there on my own. I miss running my fingers up and down his back. I miss how he would try to help with a scratch, but he had no nails to do so, so it was just a cute fail. I miss the way he brushes his teeth, because he starts at his front teeth, which I thought was weird at first, but he just makes it too cute. I miss him making us “food” in the microwave. I miss the way he smells. I miss, just everything. Every little thing he did. I simply miss his presence. I miss being around him, and in his arms.

Only about five more months, Kristine. You can do it. Time will pass by.
I try to tell myself this. As if the days aren’t passing by slowly without him. As if I can actually stand being another day without him by my side..